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A very warm welcome!

Thanks for visiting this, my second blog! You can visit Heart and Soil to see what I get up to on our 40 odd acres of land in Exmoor, basketry, crafts and general things and stuff.

I thought I would start this blog off by doing a day by day diary of my 2008 solitary retreat. You can find my posts on the preparation for this retreat over at Heart and Soil on this link:

heartandsoil.blogspot.com/search/label/SolitaryRetreat

Many people have said to me that they wish they could do a solitary retreat, because 'they really need one'. That's why I decided to share one of my retreat experiences, to hopefully make going on retreat alone, a bit less mysterious and a bit more 'doable'.


Offered with much love for your continued happiness!
hen

Solitary Retreat Diary

Please remember that in order for the diary section of this blog to make sense you should start from Day 1 and work your way through. At the moment the best way to do this is by using the labels list on the right.

I will compile a links list to make this easier when I have posted the last day... and when I have a minute!

hen
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Showing posts with label Day 11 - I see monkeys in the wall. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Day 11 - I see monkeys in the wall. Show all posts

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Day 11 - I see Monkeys in the Wall - Afternoon



What an afternoon!!  

Worlds within worlds.


I wrote out and studied the Heart Sutra and some devotional texts, had another sit and went out for a walk.  I almost immediately started singing a little tune.  Improvising a folk melody, like I used to years ago, as I walked up the hill.  The wind was getting pretty serious but I remembered I could record my tune if I took a video.  So I did.  Probably wont be able to hear any of it over the wind though!

Then I started to, for want of a better word, 'bliss' out.  No other word for it.  I had a deeply blissful experience.  By the time I got back to the cottage I was almost euphoric!  In amongst it all I felt a very deep sense of gratitude for Dharma and for those that teach it, obviously Buddha Shakyamuni for sharing it in the first place (now there's faith for you!).  All this arose within me of it's own free will!  Happy!

Then would you believe it, I was making my curry, doing some yoga and I decided to go for a walk.  I managed to get quite close to the cat as it was pooing because the wind was in my favour.  Anyway, that's not what I meant to write...  


Worlds within worlds

I finished my yoga, my walk and was just finishing my curry when I noticed a rainbow starting to happen on one side of the valley.  So I zoomed out.  Well, the rainbow wasn't just a rainbow.  It was a RAINBOW!!!  It spanned the length of the valley before me and was a double rainbow.  The colours were so intense, more colours than I had ever seen in a rainbow.  I could see it from where it touched the ground at both ends and the middle of it was right in front of me!  Glorious!


I managed to run back inside for my camera and catch the tail end of the rainbow.

There is part of me that believes those two experiences, (the blissful feeling on my walk and the intensity of the rainbow) were a direct result of practice (Meditation, mindfulness, devotional puja and study of the Buddha's teachings).  There is a larger part of me that believes that, than thinks it was all just coincidence.  Obviously my practice didn't conjure up the rainbow.  My experience of the rainbow however was intensified and made real by my practice.  

Randomly I have just spotted, for the first time, a face someone has sculpted in the wall outside the conservatory door!  

Lovely sit and puja this evening.  Oh, it's been such a wonderful day!  I'm filled with the urge to write a thank you letter to Sangharakshita!   

Last Thursday I drew a calendar.  It consisted of 8 squares which were named, Thursday through to Thursday.  Each with their relevant number, 1 through 8.  I think I did this because I wanted the week to go faster.  I've been ticking off each day!  I remembered I wanted to use ticks instead of crosses to mark the passing of the days.  Some big psychological thing or something.  Well, I do feel really glad to be going back to see my family but  I am sad about leaving here.  It's not so much that I'll miss the cottage or the area.  More that I'll miss this clarity of mind.





Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Day 11 - I See Monkeys in the Wall - Morning


Got an insight into the non-linear nature of existence in this mornings sit.  How it's all connected and why it is important I practice .  The Bodhisattva ideal is the way.

Which is nice.

As I said the other day, anger, hatred, attachments... exactly what am I directing them to?  A bundle of atoms and expressions of the effects of causes that are so infinite as to be indefinable.  There's not one bit that can be grasped on to in order to direct the anger, hatred, fear, attachments.  So the feelings dissipate.

Personally I think this mornings sit was so productive because I was wearing my horny head bag.



Funny faces are great!  I took a couple of photos last night of me wearing my new hat.  As today is an insightful day, while I was looking at the photos I saw the four stages of hen...  I haven't laughed so much for ages!  I nearly wet myself, tears, actual tears running down my face. Love it!

I am here in dependance upon 'others'.  Well, 'others' is not a satisfactory term.  Any kindness shown to me, benefits all beings.   Any kindness I show, benefits all beings. 

The causes that led to me being sat on this seat are infinite.  We are all connected.  Everything is connected.  All things really do arise in dependance of a cause.

I suppose in order to carry that wisdom with me throughout everyday life I will need to practice as much as I can so it becomes habitual.

I read a bit more of  'What is the Dharma' by Sangharakshita it is so well written.  Very readable and friendly.  I think I am beginning to understand a little about Buddhism.  With the help of that book, my retreat experiences and my nature.  I think I am finally getting it.

It is really quite important that I join a Sangha and get stuck in.  



I saw a stoat today.  I think it was a stoat.  Beautiful, quite slinky and small.  I startled him.  There is a beautiful cow asleep on a grassy mound.  Curled up like a dog, her head resting on the ground, fast asleep in the sunny rain.

It's not right how much I love Boursin.


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