A very warm welcome!

Thanks for visiting this, my second blog! You can visit Heart and Soil to see what I get up to on our 40 odd acres of land in Exmoor, basketry, crafts and general things and stuff.

I thought I would start this blog off by doing a day by day diary of my 2008 solitary retreat. You can find my posts on the preparation for this retreat over at Heart and Soil on this link:

Many people have said to me that they wish they could do a solitary retreat, because 'they really need one'. That's why I decided to share one of my retreat experiences, to hopefully make going on retreat alone, a bit less mysterious and a bit more 'doable'.

Offered with much love for your continued happiness!

Solitary Retreat Diary

Please remember that in order for the diary section of this blog to make sense you should start from Day 1 and work your way through. At the moment the best way to do this is by using the labels list on the right.

I will compile a links list to make this easier when I have posted the last day... and when I have a minute!


Monday, 5 January 2009

Day 9 - Well, that was interesting!

Turned out that yesterday was interesting. I found sitting to meditate very tricky. Almost irritating. About an hour is all I managed & I didn't do a puja. There was only one pang of fear the whole evening and that was no where near as bad as the other evenings. It's hard not to analyse it. But I suppose it's inevitable that I will, so here goes...

Scenario 1 -

I was worrying about the Saturday night as it was the agricultural show party. Although it was miles away and down in the valley, I was tricking myself into thinking maybe they'd all hear about me up in the hills, by myself, and in a drunken stupor try and find me. So when it came to the actual evening I just 'shut down'. Subconsciously I closed my mind to fear in order to protect myself from suffering. My headache came from the stress of it all.

Scenario 2 -

The realisation I had the other night really has changed my perception of fear at a deeper level. The fact I found it challenging to meditate was because I ate too many krisprolls with Boursin cheese on them. My headache came from knitting too long in the same position.

Scenario 3 -

None of the above. I wasn't scared because there was nothing to be scared of.


"Unskilfull mental states are preceded by mind, led by mind and made up of mind. If one speaks or acts with an impure mind suffering follows him even as the cart-wheel follows the hoof of the ox.
Skillful mental states are preceded by mind, led by mind and made up of mind. If one speaks or acts with a pure mind happiness follows her like her shadow."

First verses of the Dhammapada

OooooHhhhhh!!!! Stretching is sooOOooo good! Keeping the body feeling comfortable is so important for practice. duh!

There are five orders of conditionality (niyamas)

Physical inorganic
Physical organic

There is no way of knowing for sure which conditions brought about which effects.

"If one gets a fever, it may be a chill caused by a sudden change in temperature; or one may have caught a viral infection; or perhaps one has succumbed to illness as a result of some kind of mental strain; or it may even have been caused by an unskilfull action commited in the past; or it may even be the effect on one's transcendental insight. Thus the same end result may have been brought about by something physical, something biological, something psychological, something karmic or something transcendental - or a combination of two or more of these".

What is the Dharma, Sangharakshita pg164

Too many biscuits hen's belly arises
not many biscuits hen's belly does not arise.

Just been knitting my new hat and having lots of rambling thoughts. Well they led me to a memory about when I kept having insights about fractals. For years I was obsessed with the fact that all existence was a fractal or perhaps even a series of fractals. If you can picture infinite fractals all joined together, that's kind of what I imagined and how I imagine Indras Jeweled net. All identical and interconnected but totally unique.

I remember being so taken with this idea I wrote my friend a letter outlining my experiences and thoughts! I also remember trying to learn about fractals as the scientific world explained them. I even started to read the book Chaos, unfortunately my tiny mind got bored.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I've thought about fractals too. I guess there are many ways of saying it metaphorically. Today I thought of the rainbow and how the rainbows colours correspond to the chakra's and their vibrational frequencies. And so we are just light that's refracted through a crystal or prism and what we see is a little bit of this and that colour mixed together based on what vibrational loops are circulating and interacting with each other between the chakras creating the personalities and charachters we are portraying. Each person being a fractal or subfrequency of a greater human frequency which is in turn is inbedded in the frequency of the earth and etc. all broadening out towards infinite and pure white light. Sorry, I got lost in the astral realms again. :) But its fun. I hope you don't mind.

Related Posts with Thumbnails