"We should work like the rain, the rain just falls. It doesn;t ask Am I making a nice sound below? Or, will the plants be glad to see me? Will they be grateful? The rain just falls, one raindrop after another. Millions and billions of raindrops, only falling. This is the open secret of Zen."
- Jakusho Kwong
Been reading a lot today. Mainly Dharma Rain. It contains great wisdom. I love it! Read Joanna Macy's interview with Inquiring mind. Lots in it. Mainly causality.
"If the world is to be healed through human efforts, I am convinced it will be by ordinary people, people whose love for this life is even greater than their fear, people who can open to the web of life that called us into being, and who can rest in the vitality of that larger body."Had a very lovely afternoon, in the rain, under my umbrella. Sitting by the tree grove is just magical. Experienced some strong moments of interconnection. Looking out across the valley sparked a lot of these experiences. Until, that is, I noticed a bus stopping and 3 people get off and walk up the lane at the bottom of the hill. Probably to go to the farmhouse but it's so far away it was impossible for me to see clearly.
- Joanna Macy. Dharma Rain pg 138
I've realised just how afraid of people I am. This whole retreat has been laced with an underlying fear of visitors. I can feel it knotting in my stomach now. I've really noticed this fear growing over the past few years. It's good to be able to observe it clearly.
Right then. Been painting, which was very pleasing. I also went for a walk around the block. Also pleasing. Got my map book out of the car on the way back to the cottage to see the route home. Questionable behaviour!
Had a very interesting sit. Breathing meditation for a bit, Just sitting for a bit longer and then the Sevenfold Puja, with the Avalokiteshvara mantra in the middle. I decided to do a full round of the mala beads - 3 om mani padme hum - per bead.
This enabled me to have a powerful realisation. I am grateful for this feeling of fear. It's the experience of suffering that I am here to better understand. If I was all lovely and cosy I might not have the chance to really observe my manifestation of suffering. So, tomorrow I'm going to just sit and observe my fear as it comes and goes throughout the evening.
Doing the mantra this evening ended in an intriguing experience (as part of my realisation about fear) I physically reacted to it. I felt kind of fuzzy all over and light. I kind of pulsated. Not lots of light or anything, hard to explain really. It felt very good.