Day 3 - Harebell

What a grump I was in this morning. Don't know why, just was. I refused to get out of bed until 9am and only got up because I needed a wee. I then harrumphed around the cottage not wanting to do anything and getting more grumpy at doing nothing. After my brekkie I was so restless it made me grrr and laugh, all at the same time!

'I might as well do some sitting then'. An embarrassing teenage moment. So, resigned, I went upstairs to the shrine and flumped down on the cushion.

I lit all the candles and incense and wrapped myself up in my shawl and began a breathing meditation. It took a while butI felt the gentle wash of peace and zing of letting go.

I then did a couple of rounds of the Avalokiteshvara mantra using my mala beads. Followed by the Sevenfold Puja and Padmasambhava mantra recitation. I then just sat for a bit. I felt so much better! A couple of hours of practice and I felt great! No great realisations just a gentle calm.

This afternoon I tried to use the spinning wheel and then to roll a skein into a ball. Gentle calm GONE! The wheel was just hard and will take practice but the ball of wool!! A huge tangly mess! I kept my cool but decided to call it a day when after an hour I was still untangling!

This is the wool all balled up with a second skein waiting to be done. It's a gorgeous colour that I bought from the Woolly Shepherd.

Had another long and lovely sit this afternoon. The strength of Padmasambhava is palpable. Reciting his mantra DOES make me feel energised and a bit 'buzzy'. What's a mantra eh? A bunch of words in another language (in this case!) said over and over again by lots of people. The esoteric meaning behind the mantra is not completely lost on me but I don't understand how mantra works.

Had a lovely explore (twice) today. Just around and about the little mound that the cottage is on. Lots of harebells. Delicate, beautiful and sparkling with rain drops reflecting the sun.

On my travels I bumped into the local farmers wife on her rounds. She was really nice. She invited me to their agricultural show on Saturday and told me where the local shop was for a newspaper (6 miles away!). She asked how long I was staying at the cottage for and when I said two weeks she was really shocked! "What are you going to do"?? I didn't really know what to say, so just said 'Buddhisty stuff'. Crap, I know.

What am I going to do? What the hell am I doing here?

Beautiful sunset tonight.

I want to get some study done, but I've brought too many things too choose from and can't pick.

That's me allright, I have the same problem everyday.